Zombies are breaking your feeble door, there’s no time to loose, you must act NOW. Run to your bedroom, hide under your bed and read this guide before they get you!
Tip number 1: Grab a weapon
Be it a baseball bat, a chair, or your little nephew, you MUST have some kind of weapon available.
If you are so poor that you don’t even have furniture, you should let yourself be eaten; life wasn’t so great for you anyway…
Tip number 2: Use your greater speeeeed!
Let’s face it; these guys are NOT the flash. These guys are slow, dumb and slow. So you can just run your way through them. Granted, a quarterbackish body could help you achieve this task, but if you run really fast, they won’t have time to grab you.
If you are so old zombies are faster than you, prepare to meet your maker.
Tip number 3: Molotovs are your friends
This is the day it will pay to be an alcoholic! Just torn a couple t-shirts, grab your Mojito and Vodka bottles, add fire to the mix, and burn those rotten bastards! Remember, fire spreads fast, tip number 3 must be combined with tip number 2 in order to be successful.
If you were not a consumer of alcohol, you were so boring you deserved to die in the first place.
Tip number 4: use a helmet
That’s right, put a helmet on! Scientific studies agree that zombies are lazy mother-fuckers, and will go for the easier brains. So put on your helmet, you’ll also be able to use your head as a weapon. If you have a funny looking hat, or a Darth Vader’s mask, you could try to use them, if they catch you at least you’ll die in style.
Tip number 5: distract them
Let’s face it, zombies are not THAT intelligent. So, put a t-shirt on a pillow, attach a baseball cap, and you’ll have the perfect decoy that’ll buy you some precious seconds. Of course, your neighbour’s cat or an annoying little cousin could also do the trick. Some scientist agree that yelling ‘fetch’ while doing this trick can increase your success chance by 27%.
Tip number 6 (last tip): Combine your assets
So, have read this far and those zombies have not eaten you yet? That proves how dumb and slow they are. Don’t panic, it’s time to implement and combine all our tips!
So, grab that broom, put a shoebox on your head, make a couple molotovs with that champagne bottle you’ve been saving for Christmas, kick your cat through the window and run like hell!
If you follow this guide correctly, you have reached the streets! Now you are almost alone in a world full of zombies, I hope you find a quick guide on how to find food and survive, before they make a sandwich with your brains…
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